I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
