Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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