idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
