You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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