Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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