I just cut my nipple shaving
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
