She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
