Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i believe in u and ur pee
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