There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
