You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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