i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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