Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
