Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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