I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sacagawea was the original milf.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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