Kiss
Puke
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
