dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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