Whod you bang
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
