I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
how drunk are you?
Several
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
