Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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