we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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