The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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