I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
