I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
