I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize