How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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