Cold hands, warm shart.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
