working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
