i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
