is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We had to coat check the pizza.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
