Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
