I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
