Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
