I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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