what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
