Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My pussy is not your playground.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
