why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
