You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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