scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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