remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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