i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
