i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize