Umm I'm too high to move.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize