My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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