you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
