I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
