I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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