omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
