its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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