I'm gonna have a badass scar
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize