Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
