How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
