Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
