new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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