Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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