If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
