go do what you do best...puke behind churches
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
