I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
