Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We left an ass print on the piano.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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