remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
