I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
