BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
