I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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