Having a random hookup so left but love u
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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