I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
