Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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