There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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