my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
