All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
