did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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