I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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