i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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