Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
