It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
