Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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