Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
