took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize